I know, I know. I’ve mentioned so many things that I was going to write about; publishing on Amazon, my experiences with KDP, marketing successes and failures-and I still will, I swear!
I took on a few extra jobs, I am now up to four including writing-yes I count writing, it’s the hardest/best/most rewarding/lowest paying/most fun/most exhausting job that I have and I intend to make it full time, hopefully very soon. In the mean time, I am now part time at the gallery, working in a friend’s clothing store and doing extra work on TV and film. Keeping myself very busy and as a result, allowing writing and marketing to drift to the bottom of my to do list… I’ll admit, the unimpressive results of A Zombie’s Guide to being Dead’s release have showed that.
And so, I am selling the ebook for FREE!!!!
Starting on January 14th, for 5 days I’ll be using the Amazon promotional feature and discounting the price from $4.99 to $0.00!
I used their discount promotion last month but the adjusted price never showed on my sale and no one at Amazon replied to me when I asked about it. I couldn’t advertise it when it showed the normal price which was too bad. It was in the 99 cent list though so the sales did pick up very mildly. Let’s see if this one turns better results…
My ultimate goal; to have at least ten reviews on Amazon and Goodreads. I just want the ratings!
I’ll compose myself. I suppose its the writer’s bug. I wrote a book, now I would love to have people read it and enjoy it.
In the meantime, here is the Introduction from the book, A Zombie’s Guide to Being Dead to help you decide if you’d like to grab a download when it’s free next week.
I can only assume that most people who pick up this book are undead, just like me. Perhaps, until recently, you weren’t any type of dead at all and you aren’t dealing with this turn of events very well. Or perhaps you have been undead for quite some time already, and are finally looking for some way to prolong and enjoy your life.
No matter your reason, the time has come for change. Why else would you pick up a book and force rotting, dried eyes to read the small words on this page.
Well, let me just start by telling you; you have made the right choice.
My name is Cassidy Heart. Or it was once before. Now, if anyone asks, I mostly go by BRUUUGGGHHHHH.
Let me tell you a little bit about myself and why I decided to write this book.
In life, I made it to the ripe age of twenty-seven. I studied interior design at CSU, had a banging apartment and a group of models, makeup artists and designers as friends. I use the term “friends” lightly, because although they were my die hard group of girls for GNO or gossiping about the hot new so-and-so in the neighborhood, the moment that I passed away, everything changed between us.
The rigor mortis was a bit hard to grasp at the beginning and my hand just couldn’t hit the elevator button no matter how many times I tried, so I actually stomped my way up twenty seven flights of stairs. It took me about two hours, but with perseverance, I got to the floor of my apartment.
I don’t know what I was thinking; the door handle was impossible.
That was one of my first moments of understanding. Those of you out there who have also gone through the transition will know exactly what I mean.
I call it The Beacon Effect. It’s like a bright light shines into your mind momentarily to show you how different you have become. TBE happened to me right then, standing at my apartment door and thinking; hey, how were you planning to open the door anyway? You can barely move your arms, let alone your fingers.
My only other option was Sally.
Sally lived down the hall and was one of my best friends. And she had just come from my funeral, so I guessed it would be a surprise to see me. A delightful surprise of course, like low calorie cheesecake. She would be delighted and pour me a large glass of wine and I could sink into her big white couch and forget about this ordeal for a while.
I dragged my feet to her door and swung my arms against it. I managed to make a dull thumping sound and waited, but no one seemed to hear.
Frustrated, I knocked my head against the door, banging it three times before stopping. I wondered if she would hear me. I heard talking inside, what sounded like Jess and Alana and Michelle and then finally, perky footsteps.
The door swung swiftly open.
I nearly fell inside.
Sally gasped and stepped back, her big eyes wide and staring at me. She was still in her black dress. Versace from three seasons ago.
“Cassidy?” she breathed.
“Hggggguuuuuuuuuu,” I replied.
Of course, I didn’t mean to say that but my tongue was just so heavy. It slipped out of my mouth at the end and then just hung there in the air between us.
Sally’s face contorted.
She slammed the door shut and that was it.
That was the end to my friendship. All of my friendships in fact, in one sweeping motion and the sound of a lock clicking into place.
Hah! Like I could have even opened that door.
I ended up spending a few days sitting in the stair well, contemplating my afterlife. Thoughts move slowly when your brain has been shut off and then turned half-back-on.
There I was, a young undead woman with no friends, unable to get into my apartment. Not to mention dealing with clients would be a nightmare, now that I couldn’t talk.
Eventually, the hunger got to me and I was faced with two options. I could either embrace this second life that I was given, or I could allow myself to waste away, defeated.
Well let me tell you something; in life, Cassidy Heart was never defeated and in death, BRUUUGGGHHHHH wouldn’t be either.
Now, it wasn’t easy. I’m not saying that I skipped down those steps into the fresh LA air and became the number one zombie bitch on the block overnight. BUT through trial and error and a lot of hard work, I managed to find my stride in the afterlife, find a purpose and find happiness. And with these techniques that I will provide within this book, you can find all those things too.
Each chapter within this book, contains valuable information that I have compiled through my own observations of my body and my life, as well as the experiences of other zombies that I have spent time observing and getting to know.
Keep your eyes open for special tips, just like this one.
While reading, follow these steps;
- Blink! (It’s easy to forget, but any rest for the eyes goes a long way.)
- If your head starts to hurt, take a break! (This is supposed to be a positive experience, let’s not ruin it by pushing our minds too far.)
- If you start to get tired, take a break! (Don’t use up all of your energy, it is precious.)
- If your eyes hurt in any way, stop reading! (Reading can be too much of a strain on the eyes sometimes. It’s not worth losing an eye or two. So if they feel sore, it’s time to take a break and return to your spot another day.)
I hope you enjoyed the Introduction! If you want a reminder for the free dates they’ll be posted on the Djinn Publishing facebook page, just like the page to get the reminders. facebook.com/djinnpublishing Otherwise, follow me on twitter @siennasway
Thanks for reading everyone! Love you, please comment below, and I swear I’ll write those amazon reviews!
P.S. Here are the links to the book, if you want to check out the pages.